It's A New Beginning - Take 1,999

I don't even know where to begin really. So I guess I will start off with I am a fat girl who is in denial. Big time. Of course I know I'm over weight. The first sign should have been my clothes not fitting properly. Unfortunately, that didn't stop me from eating.

So here I am. 25 years old, 5'3 and weigh 220lbs, which is classified as obese. I ask myself constantly how did i get here? I already know the answer, eating! Eating big portions of the most unhealthy food a person can eat everyday for the past 5 years. The ironic thing is, I wasn't always this way...fat that is.

My weight has always fluctuated for as long as I can remember, but I had never gotten this big. In high school, which was about 8 years ago, I probably weighed 135 and still thought I was huge. I guess it stems from a low self esteem. Which you wouldn't have guessed as I was so confident growing up... except when it came to my body image. I remember when I was about 15 years old and my mom took me to the doctor and told him I was fat. He looked at my mother like she was crazy because my weight was normal and I was in no way overweight - I guess this is when I started having real body issues. I felt that my mom always thought I was fat no matter what weight I was at and now, shit, she must think I'm a whale. I was 15 and started dieting. Not because I was fat, but because I thought I was fat. IHow ironic, because now I am fat.

I wanted to start this blog as my personal diary. A way to document my attempt to change my ways & follow through. I lack discipline and follow through. I need to be accountable and realize that I am FAT & unhealthy. I need to stop being in denial!!! I can't walk up a flight of stairs without gasping for air, I'm tired ALL the time, sick ALL the time, hungry ALL the time, think about food ALL the time, have stretch marks, lost my sense of style, hate shopping, never get dressed anymore, never want to go out as I am embarrassed with the way I look, and overall just unhappy with my health & appearance. It's about time I stop bitching about it and start doing something or else it will be too late. Or is it already? We shall soon see...

So cheers to attempt 1,999...this time is going to be the time, even if it kills me!!

Wish me luck,

TD