Bravo TV: Bethany Getting Married?

After my shower, I watched the season premiere of Bethany Getting Married? All I can say is she is by far my favorite NYC housewife. Her show is hilarious and I look forward to watching the season.

While watching the first episode I realized everyone has issues. While it might be food for me, relationships for others, and so on, you HAVE to face the issues at hand. Your life will never progress if you don't. You won't be honestly happy within thus creating a life that is mediocre instead of great. Why sell yourself short when you deserve more!?

It's really something not only to think about, but more over conquer!

TD

Food/Workout Journal # 3

I Woke up this morning and I just wasn't hungry. It's so strange. Just last week I felt like I was starving in the morning... all the time actually. It could have very much been my menstrual cycle which makes me hungry but I'm not sure...I will have to see next month.

I forced myself to have breakfast. I have to get into the habit of eating small portions more frequently throughout the day. I also keep a little notepad in my purse to jot down everything that I eat & how much water I drink a day.

7:30am Breakfast - Meal 1: Oatmeal *I was running late today so I ate late...

10:30am Snack: Chocolate Protein Shake

1:00pm Lunch - Meal 2: (Leftovers) grilled chicken, veggies, & pasta

3:00pm Lunch - Meal 3: The other half of my food. Grilled chicken, veggies & passed on the pasta again. I just was not that hungry.

*I'm amazed of how big my portions used to be. It's only been a couple of days of controlling my portions but I'm starting to realize what a actually serving size should be. I used to eat 3 to 4 times more than what I should have been serving myself. I use a portion controlled container which basically guides me on how much to eat per meal. It's a great portion control container( i will do a post about this later).

I went to Walmart to grab some Salmon. On Memorial Day, my cousin had made grilled salmon tacos and they were sooo yummy. I don't usually like salmon but for some reason it was tasty! The great thing about them is that they are individually packaged so you cook as much as you want. Also, it's $4.48 for a 1lb which I believe has at least 6 individually wrapped, frozen, & ready to go. That's not a bad price at all... I bought the following below:

Wild Caught Alaskan Salmon - Salmon tacos, salads, etc.

Ground Turkey - turkey burgers, turkey chili, etc.

Turkey Bacon - breakfast, turkey club sandwich, etc.

Light String Cheese - each stick has 50 calories

Laughing Cow Cheese - each wedge has only 35 calories and its great for spreading on whole grain crackers, wheat thins, etc.

Steamed Microwave Veggies - Green Beans & Broccoli

Deli Turkey - Sandwiches, salads, or plain with some fruit, etc.

5:00pm Snack: String Cheese

6:30pm Snack: Energy Shake *For my workout

8:45pm Glass of milk *apparently if you drink a glass of milk after your workout, you won't be sore the following day.

9:30pm Dinner - Meal 4: 4-5 Slices of Turkey & a Apple * I really wasn't hungry but wanted to put something in my system.

Today I wanted to get a good workout in. J & I went to the park and as he practiced on his basketball shots, I ran around the path. It was a good long path that I went around a couple times. Maybe 4-5. I would walk to a point, then jog, then walk, etc. That park has a great view so it was relaxing as the sun set.

I'm not gonna lie, it was hard. My heart was beating fast, and I was gasping for air. Each time I tried to push myself further instead of stopping. However, like I said before, it's all baby steps here. I am not going to overdue it... After my jog, I jogged back to the basketball courts and start playing around the world with J! lol It was actually fun until I got stuck and couldn't make a basket for quite some time at one spot. We then preceded to play a quick one on one. I was tired, my body hurt, but I pushed myself. J won, of course, but it was a great cardio workout. I was sweating, panting, and my calves were on fire by the end of it. Overall it was a good workout and great quality time spent with J.

I got home, caught up on the NYC housewives reunion and then headed for a hot shower!

Sweat Dreams,

TD

Food Journal # 2

So today started off good. I had a shake last night so I wasn't hungry this morning like I usually am. I preceded to start my day.

5:30am Breakfast - Meal 1: Oatmeal w/ 2 hard boiled eggs (just ate the egg whites and not the yolk)

8:30am Snack: Chocolate Protein Shake

11:00am Lunch - Meal 2: Pasta with grilled chicken and vegetables

*Notes: Just found out that I should be drinking at least 180 ounces of water a day! whew* don't get me wrong, I love water, but that's a shit ton of water! lol I'm at 64 and pushing...

2:00pm Lunch - Meal 3: I wasn't very hungry so I just ate the other portion left of my grilled chicken & veggies. I decided to pass on the pasta as I literally had to force myself to chew.

* I had to go to a graduation today so as soon as I got home around 3:30, I went for a jog around the block. I didn't have much time but I wanted to make sure to get some form of a workout in as I knew we would be home very late. It may sound nothing to you but trying to jog uphill with 100 + pounds of extra weight holding you back is difficult. I wanted to do 2 but was happy that I completed 1. It's all baby steps here...

5:00pm Snack: Banana Protein Shake - I decided to have a quick shake before I left so I wouldn't get hungry since the last time I ate was at 2pm.

10:00pm Dinner - Meal 4: Chili's margarita grilled chicken with black beans. Now this meal came with rice pilaf but I have decided not to eat carbs after 4pm therefor I left the rice to the side. We initially did not want to eat so late but of course we were having such a great time at the graduation party that time flew by. Instead of eating what was there; chili cheese dogs and cake, we decided to eat something else.

Did I ever mention I LOVE chili cheese dogs, fries, & just about anything with chili & cheese on it :/ As much as it was tempting smelling delicious and all, I did not crack. There is NO WAY I am reverting back to my old ways. As much as it would taste good that minute, I would regret and feel guilty for hours later. It's just not worth it anymore. I'm tired of having this love/hate relationship with food & myself.

As for the cake, it wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind.

Overall, I am very pleased with myself. Today was the first night that we went out to eat in which I would've normally ordered the big mouth bites and fries with 3 or 4 sides of ranch, and didn't. I LOVE french fries and RANCH! It's one thing I can truly say I will miss. Was it tempting to see all those delicious things on the menu? YES. However, I am now accountable for what goes in my body. You are what you eat. I honestly believe that now. I mean look at me... I am a spinning image of what I eat. OBESE. Therefor if I want to be healthier, and in shape, I need to make better choices and tonight I did. The great thing was that it was delicious. I mean really, really good. I didn't even care about the french fries & ranch my boyfriend was eating after my first bite of my chicken & black beans.

I checked the calories later when I got home and it was 690. Ouch! My heart dropped when I saw that number. It's crazy how you think something is a much healthier choice but still unfortunately is not. Actually it should be lower since I only ate the chicken which has 260 and black beans which has 100. Score! my meal in the end was 360, maybe 460 because I had some guacamole (no chips) on the side with my meal. (I WILL NOT GIVE UP AVOCADO! It's not even a laughing matter) I guess it's better than what I usually get, Big Mouth Bites & Fries, which has a whopping 1,810 calories!!! WOW, now thats a triple ouch! I can't believe I used to have that many calories in 1 meal. To think that the rest of my meals that day were unhealthy choices scares the hibby jibbies out of me. I mean how many calories was I taking in a day?

I'm not counting calories or anything just trying to get a "REAL" perspective of how healthy versus fat something is. I really didn't have a clue. I mean I knew it wasn't great for you but that's just absurd. Not to mention low calories plus working out ultimately leads to weight loss. It's a no brainer. Eat less, move more. It only took 5 years and 100lbs overweight to figure it out...

It's late and I have work early in the am. Good night ;)

TD

From Fashion to Medicine!?

I never thought that after educating myself I would go back and switch my career. Well, I should have known the Fashion Industry is not everything it's cracked up to be. The long hours, stressful environments, crazy schedules, and poor pay. Come to find out 4 years later, it is just not for me...

I want a family. I want to enjoy life where my mind isn't consumed with work 24 hours of the day. I want to go on vacations. I want to be financially stable.

I finally have enough guts to admit Fashion isn't for me. Even though I LOVE it. I mean I really love it. I love the creative side. I love sketching & designing. I just can't be that starving artist who has more downs then ups. After 4 years in the industry, this is what I have experienced. Am I tainted? Yes, more than likely. I have dealt with some unpleasant, self absorbed, psychotic designers who cared about no one except themselves. They will do just about anything to the top and be in that limelight and well, thats not who I am nor what I want for my life, let a lone my future.

Before fashion which I literally stumbled upon, I always wanted to become a doctor. A pediatrician to be exact. Well after much debate, I have decided to go to nursing school. I think the real reason why I never pursued the medical field in the first place was that I thought I wasn't smart enough, or good enough to become a nurse let a lone a doctor...

I'm older, wiser, and have experienced a little of what life has had to offer thus far. I feel like this is my calling. I naturally want to take care of people and now have the guts to pursue it professionally.

I'm still scared shitless. I still think I'm not smart enough. I know i'm not great at math or science but I am still going for it. I know I can do it. You can do whatever you put your mind to! I know I would be a great nurse and I'm not going to let my insecurities get the best of me.

I already signed up for school and met with my counselor. I have to register for classes on the 16th and plan to take 2 classes for the summer session. I found out that only 2 classes from my degree were transferrable, which means I get to do general ed again! YAY for me...not! I was pissed when I found out and it was discouraging but i'm not going to let that stand in my way. I will knock out my gen. ed and hopefully be able to apply for the nursing program next fall. Life is unpredictable so lets hope everything goes as planned...

TD

Food Journal # 1

I am trying to make a conscious effort to eat healthy. My brother just recently started working out with a trainer, a family friend, who is in the best shape of his life. My brother is in no way fat, but would like to get in shape. Apparently from his sessions he was told to eat more throughout the day but in SMALL portions. I am the complete opposite. I eat less a day but with HUGE portions.

Today I made a conscious effort to eat small portions more frequently....

5:45am Breakfast - Meal 1: Chocolate Protein Shake & Piece of Bread

8:30am Snack: Orange

10:00am Lunch - Meal 2: Pasta with Grilled Chicken

1:00pm Lunch - Meal 3: Kidney Bean Salad w/Grilled Chicken

* I left work at 3:00pm which by that time I had already drank 72 ounces of water ( yes I went to the restroom a gazillion times)

Notes: It's 3pm and I'm tired. Granted I only got 5 1\2 hours of sleep but I want to go home and take a short nap. Is napping okay? I think all this extra weight is making me tired all the time. It could be my menstrual cycle also, I'm always tired when its that time of the month...

4:00pm Snack: Chocolate Protein Shake

7:00pm Meal 4 - Dinner: 1 small Chicken Pastry Puff

10:00pm Snack: Banana Protein Shake

I started cooking around 8pm for lunch & dinner for tomorrow. I think the hardest part of eating healthy is planning ahead. What happens is that when you don't plan ahead and get hungry, you will eat just about anything. 9 times out of 1o it's fast food because well, its food within minutes. Then once you're there, the chances of you ordering something healthy are slim to just about none. You say to yourself, fuck it, might as well get the cheese burger & fries and I will start tomorrow on eating healthy. Yeah...five years later and that tomorrow is finally today!

Cooking takes time & planning and most of us are either lazy, tired, or just don't have the time nor patience to cook. This is exactly why I need to start prepping ahead of time and cooking. When I cook my meals I have control of what is in it as far as fat and preservatives.

My mom came home and of course helped me as she is a wonderful cook. She almost never eats out and cooks every other day. I planned on making a simple pasta to go along with the grilled chicken and veggies. I started asking if we had the ingredients which some would include, heavy cream, mozzarella, & parmesan. Instantly my mother said "this might not be a good recipe to cook. You need something that is not as rich or fattening." It was a caprese pasta that seemed light. Apparently not. She proceeded to make a similar pasta without any cheese, butter, or heavy cream and all I can say is wow. I just tasted a piece as it was late and I didn't want to eat & It was soo yummy! I packed my lunch and am ready to go for tomorrow.

This planning this is going to take some work but I think once I get the hang of it, everything will fall into place. Its a lifestyle change that I need and want to make. No more excuses.

My brother came home with a lot of information from the nutritionist he saw early this morning. Now we are two different cases, but I can use some of the information for myself. I plan on seeing a nutritionist soon but until then, this should suffice until then.

I started cooking dinner too late today so I didn't get a chance to work out today but tomorrow...it's on!

TD

It's A New Beginning - Take 1,999

I don't even know where to begin really. So I guess I will start off with I am a fat girl who is in denial. Big time. Of course I know I'm over weight. The first sign should have been my clothes not fitting properly. Unfortunately, that didn't stop me from eating.

So here I am. 25 years old, 5'3 and weigh 220lbs, which is classified as obese. I ask myself constantly how did i get here? I already know the answer, eating! Eating big portions of the most unhealthy food a person can eat everyday for the past 5 years. The ironic thing is, I wasn't always this way...fat that is.

My weight has always fluctuated for as long as I can remember, but I had never gotten this big. In high school, which was about 8 years ago, I probably weighed 135 and still thought I was huge. I guess it stems from a low self esteem. Which you wouldn't have guessed as I was so confident growing up... except when it came to my body image. I remember when I was about 15 years old and my mom took me to the doctor and told him I was fat. He looked at my mother like she was crazy because my weight was normal and I was in no way overweight - I guess this is when I started having real body issues. I felt that my mom always thought I was fat no matter what weight I was at and now, shit, she must think I'm a whale. I was 15 and started dieting. Not because I was fat, but because I thought I was fat. IHow ironic, because now I am fat.

I wanted to start this blog as my personal diary. A way to document my attempt to change my ways & follow through. I lack discipline and follow through. I need to be accountable and realize that I am FAT & unhealthy. I need to stop being in denial!!! I can't walk up a flight of stairs without gasping for air, I'm tired ALL the time, sick ALL the time, hungry ALL the time, think about food ALL the time, have stretch marks, lost my sense of style, hate shopping, never get dressed anymore, never want to go out as I am embarrassed with the way I look, and overall just unhappy with my health & appearance. It's about time I stop bitching about it and start doing something or else it will be too late. Or is it already? We shall soon see...

So cheers to attempt 1,999...this time is going to be the time, even if it kills me!!

Wish me luck,

TD